Saturday, February 27, 1999    


It's because I need to

By:Cindy N.

For me, scrapbooking started a long time ago, before it was "popular". My mom gave me a 35mm camera for my 15th birthday, after finally convicing her I could handle it! We had taken a trip to Hawaii the summer before, and she loved the pictures I took with my little 110 camera. I kept telling her, yeah, but can you imagine how awesome that waterfall would have looked if I had a "GOOD" camera!?! Well, it worked! I had my dream camera under the tree that year! Which by the way, was a rough year. My parents were divorcing, and Mom was haiving a tough time with it. ( we all were) mom would need to just "get out' for awhile, and I'd load up my camera "equipment' and we'd head to a state park, or campground, or whatever struck our fancy that day. Mom would listen to the breeze, and I'd snap away. being 15 and 16, it was my creative outlet, eventhough it was something totally different for my Mom, something I wouldn't learn for a long time.

Flash forward! Now I'm 26, pregnant with my second precious baby, and Mom's in the hospital, for I think the 9th time in about a year. Diabetes is a nightmare of a disease, that's all there is to it. I am sitting with Mom while she has her dialysis treatment, and we are talking. We are talking about "old times" ( I love that phrase!) and I ask her about her favorite times with just the two of us together. I am thinking she'll say that fancy vacation in Hawaii, or one of our marathon shopping sprees, but she is quiet for a minute and say, "well, times just like now, when it's just you and me talking". That answer meant so much to me, and changed so much in me. It made me realize the importance of "real things" and the importance of making memories. With her sight gone, no longer able to walk, she carries treasures with her that I never knew were treasures. We talked that day about our "photography outings" and how proud she was of my pictures.

Current day: I have a beaurtiful healthy son who has never met his grandmother, at least in front of my eyes. I have no doubt they shared something during both of their transitions, him from womb to the "outside world" and her, from earth to Heaven. But it is up to me for him to know what kind of person she was, and how important her grandbabies were to her, even him. I HAVE to write so much around my pictures. The ones from when I was 15, and Mom and I were exploring, and what those days were for both of us. Why we were there, what we did, what those days mean to me now. And pictures of her cooking! How else would Jordan know that Mom loved to cook if I don't write it down for him? He would never know these things if he just found a picture of her in a box or drawer. It's up to me to keep her memory alive, and make her familiar to him. It's all he has of her, and I can't ignore my responsiblilty to either of them. I guess I scrapbook for the fun of it, but I write for the need of it. For all of us.

Tomorrow at dMarie Daily: Finding myself through scrapbooking, by Tina B, Salem, OR

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